I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
