Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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