no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
