I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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