If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize