She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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