Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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