the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
