I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
