I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
