My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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