Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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