You surviving the open bar?
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Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
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