Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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