bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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