i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
