he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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