It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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