I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
