i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
pray to the hookup gods
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
