I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
