What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
