he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
