Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
