Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Terrible idea I love it
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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