lets start a swedish sibling band together
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
