how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
