He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
