nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize