question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
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