That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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