She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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