I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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