just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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