she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize