My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
