He kissed a someone with a penis
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
