She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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