I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
