Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
