We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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