Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
She swung at the pinata with crutches
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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