Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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