if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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