stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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