I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
