Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize