Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
