Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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