you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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