My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
