i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Randomize
