Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
