how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
no more duck duck goose at the bar
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
