Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Randomize
