We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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