if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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