Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
