you traded sex for a burrito?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
