I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
