Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
it's like heaven, but drunker
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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