Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
he thought i was a dude.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
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