As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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