Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
