Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
