some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
