quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
