So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
mondays should just be called national damage control day
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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