Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
