i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
