I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
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