what day is it and did you see me today?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
