What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
