Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
