we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize