no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
