I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
