Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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