Do you still have your period?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
