I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
