thus making me awesome and them whores
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
