He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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