I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
