i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
