apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
