I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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