wanna go halves on a baby?
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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