Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
