we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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