the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
