So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
