Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
