He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
