i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
