Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
