apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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