I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
