The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Can Purell be used as lube?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize