Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
you had me at cake vodka
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
