I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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