i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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