Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
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