3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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