You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
