dude i'm inner monologue high
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
