my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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