sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
