If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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